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HEADLINES THE NATION Survey Says 44% of Americans Prefer Not To Think Bush Seeks Key Role In Apocalypse Ashcroft Proposes New Alert Color, Undrapes Statue In Desperate Bid For Attention INTERNATIONAL Rumsfeld Mulls Syncing Policy With U.S. France to Become "Le Pays de la Liberté": Demands Royalty On "Freedom Fries" Former Iraqi Information Minister Makes Bid For Fleischer Post LEISURE Cremaster: Sucking the fun right back out of post-modernism since 1995 Swedish Amazon Excels At Sport Man Unfazed To Discover Downloaded Britney Spears Nudes Are Faked

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